So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
