Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
