Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
