I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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