stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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