the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
