I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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