i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
