my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
