There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
