Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
