His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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