You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
