i just wanna soil my oats bro
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
