I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
