Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
