hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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