I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
