I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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