i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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