and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
