if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
