im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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