got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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