Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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