I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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