so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
