Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
