I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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