I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
