Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
