Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
