my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
