just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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