if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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