Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
