Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
