haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
