I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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