The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Randomize
