fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
