:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
