After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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