Acid is not a monday night drug
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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