"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
