I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
