I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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