my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't deserve a penis
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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