Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
