At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
